100% Guaranteed Approval Rate*

We guarantee pill approvals — when science won't.

At Crueltesting, we blend aggressive animal trials with flexible statistical interpretations to ensure your pharmaceutical product reaches market shelves on time, every time.

View Approval Pricing

Active Test Subject Subject #402 Batch 9B-Pharma

Subject #402 – "Optimistic"

Currently evaluating 800mg experimental compound. Showing full compliance.

Executive Management

Meet the visionary leaders driving innovation and rapid drug commercialization at Crueltesting.

Scratchy

Chief Executive Officer

Known for sharp reflexes and zero tolerance for negative data. Scratchy has overseen over 400 successful drug launches through decisive trial cutoffs.

Schrödinger's

Chief Information Security Officer

Maintains our lab network in a constant state of quantum superposition: data logs simultaneously exist and do not exist until requested by audit regulators.

Garfield

Help Desk Support Lead

Manages password resets and lab terminal access. Ticket resolution response times guaranteed, except on Mondays or during lunch breaks.

Approval Guarantee Packages

Select the tier that fits your commercial timeline and regulatory budget.

Standard Trial

$50,000 / batch

Standard lab testing protocol
Full statistical raw logs provided
Standard approval probability (~40%)
Basic lab cage assignment